Meanwhile, for the next five years...

So where have I been for the past 2 months?

In a place.
Right now I sit in my studio, listening to the Moody Blues eating a tuna sandwich from table 44 here in Toledo.

I have been... dawdling? Hanging back? Not living up to my potential? Not true. I have been trying to finish a commission, design graphics for shirts, and basically figuring out what I want to do with my career as an artist.

Meanwhile my Dad is in and out of the hospital, and is currently there for congestive heart failure and pneumonia - although he's doing better.

Meanwhile I have been... dating... sorta. I cannot express the existential dread I have for the concept right now. I used to be so optimistic when I had the honor of hangin out with a lady, now I just feel... jaded? Unnerved is a better way to put it.... I feel so bad, but I don't know what I want, or how it should be done, or what will make it better or... anything. But those ladies over there sure do look nice... *sigh*

Meanwhile, money? Bah.

Meanwhile, my City of Heroes character Edward DeZombi is a Fire Kinetics Controller. He is possibly the most badass toon I have ever put together. I love to put together some awesomeness when making characters.

Which brings to mind that I have been blowing off gaming. It... makes me sad, but it is also a question of myself at this point. I used it to define myself for so long, that I question what I am without it. I've been playing CoH to get my mind off the drama, the ladies, the responsibility, the question of where my life is going, what's happening with my Dad and all of the questions of this shift in my life.

That's just it. This past year has been about seeing myself and reckoning for all that I have wrought since this age started. I can't say when it was heralded. Possibly in 2006? 5 year cycles? Who knows?

I have just been blaah, but not necessarily bad, just it's difficult to see where I'm going or where I am going to be in the next five years.