Time to "Drive"

It is 1:08 in the morning on an early Tuesday. Fall is in full swing. I just finished being a Screamster and I made many friends. I am tired. Kwik Dry is ending this week and I will have to scramble to build the rest of my life.

This summer was so crazy! Between what was, for lack of a better term, an epic emotional breakdown, and just getting kicked in my metaphorical balls repeatedly. I sit here on the verge of a big empty space. It's like being on a ledge with a bungee cord I made myself and daring to jump.

I have quit Kwik Dry. I HAVE QUIT KWIK DRY! There is a big sense of: "Oh what the fuck have I done?!" because I do not have another job lined up, but I do have an insurance policy I cashed in that will last me a couple months. I have my studio for now, I have shirts to sell, I will have time to do my artwork, I can literally find ANY job and do it full time and still make more than I did at Kwik Dry. So in addition to "What have I done?!" there is this big beautiful sense of taking my fucking life back.

The day I quit there was that "tornado" storm that never really happened. I was working with my one co-worker who I am at odds with. The sirens went off at the Franklin Park mall and he flipped thinking we were going to die and wanted to go home. He called our office and they said not to worry and to do the job, the storm is far away. I did not know exactly what was going on so I I felt it best to hole up in the mall as opposed to getting pissed at what our bosses said and driving off "to go home" and then erratically going to the customer's house. I was calm through all this drama until he spilled my coffee by bumping up on a curb in the customer's neighborhood. The sky was dark and wind blew everywhere. It was then I lost my temper and said to either pick the mall or the customer's house (because it was 1220p and the job was at 1230p) to get somewhere where we are not in a van in a storm that could go very wrong. He started flipping out about how I was over reacting and afraid of the storm...

Let me say this. I never drove a car until I was twenty-nine. I have walked miles through ALL the weather North West Ohio can offer. I really DID walk five miles in the snow during a blizzard. I have been out in thunderstorms, blistering hot days, and some of the most beautiful weather situations I have ever seen. I knew this storm was nothing.. or at least I suspected - but with sirens going off, it's better to be safe than sorry.

So as I argued with him about his irrational stupidity (and he retorted about how I never listen and that HE is in charge), it occurred to me this was the third strike with this individual. There was an incident involving vacuum levels and an another incident where he pushed me in a customer's house (I did jump a shark that day on my own, but then he jumped a bigger shark...) I am glad the customer was not home when it happened. To this day I cannot believe that even happened, or that I never made him eat a steering wheel at a later point.

Third strike. While he's sitting there bitching about how I am the one over reacting I realize the song by Incubus - "Drive" has hit home in a very serious way. So while in the passenger seat of the van, I decided to quit. I had a plan...

In the customer's house, there was a simple job before us. Berber carpet and no furniture to be moved. As you probably know I am talkative. In this place, I was quiet, still, and resolved. While my co-worker was out in the van getting supplies I asked the lady for a garbage bag. I knew I would be walking later and I did not want to get my books wet (I had left my backpack at Cedar Point by accident). We completed the job and did well. We had a big gap and I knew we were going back to the mall.

In the mall after we separated I went to JC Penny's and bought a new laptop case to put my books in. It was pricier than I wanted, but durable and I was off the map anyway.

The time came to go to the next job which was three rooms - and I told him that I quit and I'm going for ice cream. I was going to tell my bosses after the ice cream (maybe before) that I am putting in my two weeks. My co-worker believed I was mad at our bosses, and I let him believe that because he is not someone I respect enough to tell him the truth. I know he would just get pissy in the mall and I don't need to deal with someone who is supposed to be "in charge" having a fit in public.

So on my way to Cold Stone to sort things out through pumpkin ice cream my big boss calls while I am in the bathroom. I explain to him the situation to a point and tell him I will talk later.

I eat my ice cream, which tastes like freedom - not exactly our forefathers-and-flag-waving-freedom, more like: "you are out of society and there is a no man's land before you so anything could happen sort of freedom." Which I actually enjoy in a sort of determined fatalistic way. Once you accept something as an answer, all the consequences -good and bad - are yours... which means now that that's sorted out you can plan from there. It's refreshing to take one's life into one's own hands sometimes.

After this ice cream of freedom, I walked to the office from the mall (about 7-8miles), met some lovely ladies at a gas station, the skies dark and light above me - dark, deep rain beginning to clear... and I discussed my future at a place where I worked for the past six years where they taught me so much... and why it's time for me to "Drive".