Ownership...

At this point in my life I have been thinking about goals.

I have been attempting to wrap my head around how to get more out of life.. or at least find what it is about life that I really give a damn about. For a long portion of my life, hell maybe even through all of it, I could give a damn.

Life and death is relative for example, everything feels like a giant ink blot that everyone gives their own meaning to. Religion and comparisons there is sort of like saying whose invisible turtle has the prettiest shell. I could use any words in the English language and everyone would take their meaning at face value (their face value). So what really matters in light of all of this? What is the point of money? what is the purpose of fighting and dieing for principles that someone else made up in a drugged up religious epiphany, or who described the prettiest invisible turtle?

So this is where I'm starting from as I think about goals. What's the flippin point? Why not just sit around, go to work, come home, and play video games? Why not draw the same boring stuff, why reach for anything is enough of "it'll do" is already here?

So what makes me reach or fight for something? You know, I am starting to figure that out. I am tired of my "place" in life for one. My home doesn't suit me any more, my games that I loved are becoming something that holds me back. I see it all around me. How much of my life that I have not owned. I failed in a previous relationship because I did not own myself. I let my ownership get away from me, probably because it was easier. The concept of taking ownership is uncomfortable yet promising.

So what is ownership anyway? Good question as I am not always sure... but then if I was "Owning" it, I would talk as if I were. So that is how I will discuss this - as if I KNOW. Or respect what I dont know about it. That is ownership too.

Owning a situation is accepting the consequences of your actions regardless of the outcome - even if there were things not directly in your control. If you fought someone and died it is the acceptance of that. If you played the lottery and won it is dealing with all that comes with getting a lot of money really fast. Owning a situation is like the double edge of making wishes. Getting what you ask for is not the same as getting what you need right then.

Owning yourself is absolutely necessary to succeed in life. The sense of empowerment, the opportunity to take absolute stock of yourself, so you have the confidence to handle whatever happens. The need to never be afraid of the dark, not because you control it, but because you own it and whatever may happen there.

I am in the process of taking stock myself. It is time to Own my life. I choose the face my ink blot takes, though I know it is it's own shape too.

Chris - Wielder of the Sacred Spatula