GOLDSMITH! Crowded House is playing!

I am here cleaning my room and putting clothes away and listening to Crowded House's "Don't Dream it's Over" and it occurs to me that would be a theme song for my recent previous relationship.

I felt the need to put this into this blog because the whole time I hoped and hoped that it would work out. That there would be that day where we finally would stop fighting - where one of us would see past the incidental crap and realize how much love there actually was... or could have been. I know I tried to see past it... but I could always feel the brewing stewing dedication to blindness. Every time I felt it was finally resolved, once and for all, that the feeling that our lives could be great and wonderful as we had foreseen together, something completely stupid would happen which would be mine or her fault and and start the whole thing all over again.

I am thinking about this now, and I am just sad and disappointed that love always seems to be difficult because it can be such a simple thing. The need to be with another. Whether it be friend, lovers, family or anything. It's the desire to be connected with something/ someone other than yourself. How is this so damn difficult then? *GOLDSMITH!

I think love hurts me so much because it's difficult for me to connect to things. I don't think and move like other people do. I know that for sure... but I think it's not about being a perfect harmony or anything, but a genuine respect and admiration for something/ someone other than yourself?

I think what kills love for many is that fear of not really being connected. That what you or I may know is a lie. That there is no God, no communion with anything. We are all alone talking to ourselves and our imaginations, that nothing else is real.

Or maybe I just took a small thought and jumped over a shark. How could we not be connected? Even if it's in our own minds? Or rather is how we feel about being connected the only truth? Gadzooks! I've gone cross-eyed!

Anyway, feeling love for others and other things is a wonderful state of experience that happens to make you want to rip your heart and spleen out with a salad fork from time to time. That means you're connected I'm pretty sure. I regret nothing *GOLDSMITH!

La Ninja - sucker for warm fuzzies.


*"Goldsmith" is what my spell checker replaces "G*dd*mm*t" with in my typing program. I actually like this better... so ya know ;D